Can you imagine experiencing sickness, or suffering immeasurable trauma, then expecting to just get up and live?

I am stuck in a body that, despite me constantly yelling at it, begging it to move, I am met with resistance and the reminder I am no longer in control. 

This is new terrain for me. I have never been here before. I'm trying to lean into the unknown, but I am learning, so please be kind.

This has become my favorite time of the week, when offices are closed, because I no longer have to be disappointed by the lack of responses. 

Four words, so simple yet such a push to sincerely feel. For me anyway, I've been restrained by too many choices, and mistakes by others and also, admittedly, mine.

The letter, one I have awaited for, spent time meticulously trying to prepare to give the best opportunity for myself to be heard.

It is hard when closure is not achieved and understanding is not received. However, I have found that if I waited for it, I would let my life be idle. 

Who will hear my voice, who will hear my cry? I am running out of options to try, and I'm exhausted in my attempts to make myself feel heard. 

Sometimes I imagine myself telling my babies I love them, or grabbing my guitar and singing to bring my soul relief.