Once Invisible

I used to blend in with crowds, sit at the back, and be the first to leave if I even came at all.

Not that I don't want to be part of it, but my misconceived value of my worth kept my mind in fear and my ambitions always small. 

I wore neutral, which blended in. I was never one to present my appearance as grand, or make impressions that would lead me to stand out.

But now I am in a body where I can't hide anymore like I used to and, despite my efforts, I now undeniably stand out in every crowd.

I feared it at first, it was uncomfortable and riddled with the anxiety and insecurity of not being good enough. I thought only a negative experience could come out of being seen.

I'm now trying to wear colours, smile, laugh and cry without fear, allowing myself to know it's safe now to be unapologetically me. 

So I've come out of the background, out of the shadows. I will no longer let shame and hurt keep me in dark places because I was made to believe the bad things weren't told.  

I'm giving myself open spaces, the ability to share the stories, the pain and the good, so that in it all, maybe I can find healing, enjoyment in life and ultimately growth.