Valuing my own words

I have reflected vastly on how my voice is valued and what the importance of it means to me.

I can recognise how I have spent a large portion of my life relentlessly trying to be heard and understood in hopes I will be better seen. 

And as I have approached a new challenge of being restricted to limited verbal speech, I have had to really challenge that need that often feels rejected.

I can see how I have spent so much effort on explaining myself. Often I can see the body language and withdrawal of others as I speak, affirming my words are being deflected. 

I have learned this isn't a reflection of my own worth. Everyone is overloaded with information that I think people's tolerance for listening and truly hearing is low.

Yet I have also learned in this new space that not every word, experience, or choice I make needs to be heard by others and that my priority is to make myself be heard by myself alone.

It's powerful when others hear you and can really influence your steps forward, yet I also see how now that sometimes my silence or choice of minimal words can be more effective. 

And leaning into my own thoughts and finding the value of my voice on my own, I can be wiser with words and affirm myself, because hearing and valuing myself first has been my elective.